Catching the Vibes: Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

Teri Bisceglia, MA, GCDF, CPRW

 Have you ever been in a situation on the job and had these kinds of thoughts afterward? 

“That didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.”  

 “What could I have done differently?” 

 “Why did the other person react that way?”  

 If yes, great! Emotional intelligence played a part in your experience. If not, don’t panic!  

 Emotional intelligence is a skill. Whether you’re building a new skill, maintaining or improving one, it takes attention and practice. Read on to learn more. 

 Emotional Intelligence – What is it? 

 In 1990, Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined emotional intelligence as "the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth." In other words, being in tune with or catching the vibes of our own emotions, realizing how they affect us and those around us, and managing our emotions to improve our decision making, productivity, and relationships in the workplace.  

 Dr. Daniel Goleman, who has written several books on the subject, has further identified the four competencies that form emotional intelligence. 

Four Competencies of Emotional Intelligence 

Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness/Empathy, and Relationship Management make up the four competencies of emotional intelligence. Each plays a necessary part in successful emotional intelligence. They work together to build, maintain, and improve your skill.  

1: SELF-AWARENESS 

Self-Awareness is being aware of and in tune with your emotions in a situation. You’re aware of personal experiences that may affect your emotions; as well as aware of the triggers that may intensify those emotions. Triggers can often be based on previous experiences unrelated to the situation at hand. And, they can affect our decisions, productivity, and workplace relationships.  

Self-awareness can be challenging at first, especially in a moment of conflict. However, if we’re practicing self-awareness, we’ll be able to identify the emotions, their causes, and understand why we’re experiencing them. We can then move onto self-management with greater ease.  

2: SELF-MANAGEMENT 

Self-Management is using our understanding of our emotions to self-regulate ourselves. We’re able to take steps or actions to lessen our emotions and responses. Some may think this means that our emotions are supposed to be suppressed, but that’s not the case.  

Being self-aware allows us the opportunity to develop and practice self-management. In self-management, we bring in to play tools to help us use our emotions in appropriate ways, including in decision making and performance. We may already have some tools that we’ve previously used, not realizing they are part of the self-management emotional intelligence competency. 

Here are a few examples of self-management tools: taking a moment to take a deep breath or to think before speaking, excusing yourself and taking a quick walk, or seeking feedback from a trusted source who can help provide perspective and support.    

3: SOCIAL AWARENESS/EMPATHY 

Social Awareness/Empathy is putting oneself in another’s shoes, looking at a situation or event from the other person’s perspective. We each have our own goals, opinions, disappointments, tragedies, and experiences which affect how we each see situations and the things around us.  

Some questions to ask ourselves when applying social awareness/empathy are: How would I feel if I were put in this situation? What may be the other person’s goals, workload, etc., and how are those factors affecting this person’s responses? It’s important that in practicing emotional intelligence we have social awareness/empathy.  

When we are able to see a situation through another’s view, we can understand their perspective, what motivates them as well as how and why they are reacting to situations. It improves our communication and opens our eyes to opportunities and solutions. 

4: RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT 

Relationship Management is building and maintaining good workplace relationships. Our workplace relationships are built on our collective self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness/empathy as we work together. Good workplace relationships are essential for our individual successes along with our teams’ and companies’ successes.    

Catching the Vibes to Boost Your Emotional Intelligence: An Exercise 

Think about two situations that have occurred at work: one with a positive outcome and the other with a negative outcome. Identify the emotions involved and actions taken during each. Then, identify what caused or triggered you to act or respond in a particular way? What emotions and actions stand out? Identifying and naming these may give you insight into how catching the vibes of your own emotions affect outcomes.  

Being aware of your emotions, their causes, and their triggers = Self-Awareness.  

What went well in the positive outcome event? What could have been reframed or changed in the negative event? How could you have handled it differently? What steps would you take to possibly get a more positive outcome? What are things that you can do to keep yourself in check to positively affect situations and outcomes?  

Being able to regulate your emotions so that you’re able to make decisions for yourself, your team, and/or your company = Self-Management.  

In the situations, did you think about how the other person (or other people) may have felt? Did you consider what their reasons or objectives or desired outcomes were? Perhaps there were personal issues affecting their behavior that had nothing to do with the situation at hand. When you’re able to see a situation from another perspective, you can often come together to achieve a common goal.  

Looking beyond the immediate situation and putting yourself in that person’s shoes = Social Awareness/Empathy. 

In the two situations, how was your relationship with the person or people afterward? Was the relationship stronger or less so? How do you think your emotions, as well as their emotions, played a part in the outcomes? 

Thinking about how the positive and negative situations affected your relationships and how you can repair, maintain or improve them = Relationship Management. 

Conclusion 

Asking these types of questions can help guide us as we build the important skill of emotional intelligence. It most likely won’t be an overnight change. Learning a new skill takes time, determination, and practice.  

The more we demonstrate emotional intelligence by asking ourselves insightful questions and practicing self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness/empathy in our relationships with coworkers – in other words, catching the vibes! –  the more we’ll experience meaningful improvements in our decision making, productivity, and satisfaction in the workplace.  

Sources: 

Metrix Learning: Emotional Intelligence Essentials & Leadership programs.  

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than Iq. New York: Bantam Books, 1995. Print.