Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Teri Bisceglia, ETS, GCDF, CPRW

Have you ever been in a situation and had these kinds of thoughts afterward?

“That didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.”

“What could I have done differently?”

“Why did the other person react that way?”

If yes, then emotional intelligence played a part in your experience. If not, then there may be some work needed to improve emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence can have an effect on your success in the workplace. It’s a skill that can be improved upon through attention and practice.

Emotional Intelligence – What is it?

In 1990, Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined emotional intelligence as "the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth." In other words, being in tune with our own emotions, realizing how they affect us and those around us, and managing our emotions to improve our decision making, productivity, and relationships in the workplace.

Dr. Daniel Goleman, who has written several books on the subject, has further identified the four competencies that form emotional intelligence.

Four Competencies of Emotional Intelligence

The four competencies of emotional intelligence are Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness/Empathy, and Relationship Management. Each plays a necessary part in successful emotional intelligence. They work together to build and maintain the skill.

1: Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness is being aware of and in tune with your emotions in a situation. You’re aware of personal experiences that may be affecting your emotions; as well as aware of the triggers that may intensify the emotions. Triggers can often be based on previous experiences unrelated to the situation at hand. And, they can affect our decisions, productivity, and workplace relationships. Self-awareness can be challenging at first, especially in a moment of conflict. However, if we’re practicing self-awareness, we’ll be able to identify the emotions, their causes, and understand why we’re experiencing them. We can then move onto self-management with greater ease.

2: Self-Management

Self-Management is using our understanding of our emotions to self-regulate ourselves. We’re able to take steps or actions to lessen our emotions and responses. Some may think this means that our emotions are supposed to be suppressed, but that’s not the case. Being self-aware allows us the opportunity to develop and practice self-management. In self-management, we are using tools to help us use our emotions in appropriate ways, including decision making and performance. We may already have tools that we’ve previously used. Here are a few examples of self-management tools: taking a moment to take a deep breath or to think before speaking, excusing ourselves and taking a quick walk, or seeking feedback from a trusted source who can help provide perspective and support.   

3: Social Awareness/Empathy

Social Awareness/Empathy is putting ourselves in another’s shoes; looking at a situation or event from the other person’s perspective. We each have our own goals, opinions,  disappointments, tragedies, and experiences which affect how we each see situations and the things around us. Some questions to ask ourselves when applying social awareness/empathy are: How would I feel if I were put in this situation? What may be the other person’s goals, workload, etc., and how are those factors affecting this person’s responses? It’s important that in practicing emotional intelligence we have social awareness/empathy. It opens our eyes to potential opportunities and solutions. When we are able to see a situation through another’s view, we can understand their perspective, what motivates them as well as how and why they are reacting to situations.

4: Relationship Management

Relationship Management is building and maintaining good workplace relationships. Our workplace relationships are built on our collective self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness/empathy working together. Good workplace relationships are essential for our successes as well as our teams’ and companies’ successes.  

How to Boost Emotional Intelligence: An Exercise

Think about and identify two situations at work. One that had a positive outcome and one that had a negative outcome. Then identify the emotions and actions taken for each. Identify what caused you to act in a particular way or respond in a particular manner. What emotions and actions stand out?  Conducting this exercise can give you insight into how being aware of your own emotions affect outcomes.

Being aware of your emotions, their causes, and their triggers = self-awareness.

What went well in the positive outcome scenario? What could have been reframed or changed in the negative scenario? How could you have handled it differently? What steps would you take to possibly get a more positive outcome? What are things that you can do to keep yourself in check to positively affect situations and outcomes?

Being able to regulate your emotions so that you’re able to make decisions for yourself, your team, and/or your company = self-management.

In those scenarios, did you think about how the other person (or other people) may be feeling? Did you consider what their reasons or objectives or desired outcomes were? Perhaps there were personal issues affecting their behavior that had nothing to do with the situation at hand. When you’re able to see a situation from another perspective, you can often come together to achieve a common goal.

Looking beyond the immediate situation and putting yourself in that person’s shoes = empathy.

In these scenarios, how was your relationship with the person or people afterward? Was the relationship stronger or less so? How do you think your emotions, as well as their emotions, played a part in the outcomes? Self-awareness, self-management, and empathy affect relationships.

Thinking about how these scenarios affected your relationships and how you can repair or maintain them = relationship management.

Conclusion

Asking these types of questions can help guide us as we build the important skill of emotional intelligence. It most likely won’t be an overnight change. Learning a new skill takes time, determination, and practice. The more we demonstrate emotional intelligence by asking ourselves insightful questions and practicing self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness/empathy in our relationships with coworkers, the more we will experience meaningful improvements in our decision making, productivity, and satisfaction in the workplace.

Sources:

Metrix Learning: Emotional Intelligence Essentials & Leadership programs

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than Iq. New York: Bantam Books, 1995. Print.